A New Chapter in Your Journey- Surrogacy or a Gestational Carrier
Life is about challenges, accomplishments, experiences and finding a path towards happiness. Unfortunately, we aren’t guaranteed to be parents, married, or maybe even be as lucky as we hope to be. But one thing’s for sure. If you have a little faith, hope and an open mind you can page through the chapters of life with dignity, strength and a new sense of direction.
If your future has led you down a path of possible surrogacy or using a gestational carrier then this blog can help you find clarity and comfort in knowing you’re not alone. The journey to parenthood can be an emotional rollercoaster, and for some individuals or couples, using a surrogate or gestational carrier is the best option to achieve their dream of having a child. While surrogacy offers an incredible opportunity to grow a family, it also comes with significant emotional challenges. The experience can be trying, exhausting and require prospective parents to navigate feelings of excitement, uncertainty, and stress.
So what is the difference? In traditional surrogacy, the surrogate is biologically related to the child (her own egg is used in conception.) On the other hand, a gestational carrier carries an embryo that has been created using the parents’ or donors’ genetics, meaning she has no genetic relation to the baby. Understanding the difference between the two is essential if this is the path you’re on. Both can be difficult but with some guidance, knowledge and strategies to move forward, you too can find comfort and excitement for what’s to come.
The Emotional Journey
1. Anticipation, Anxiety and Everything in Between
For many intended parents, choosing surrogacy or having a gestational carrier are experiences filled with anticipation and excitement. But they also bring feelings of worry about the unknowns. Questions such as:
Will the pregnancy go smoothly?
Will I bond with my baby?
How will I manage all the legal and medical aspects of the process?
It’s totally normal to feel anxious when using a surrogate or gestational carrier—after all, there’s a lot of trust and emotions that come into play when choosing this path. Your concerns can feel difficult to manage alone, which is why reaching out to someone with experience or an expert provides stability, guidance and a chance to express your feelings and give you strategies to move forward.
And remember, these questions and concerns are valid, even if you’re not using a surrogate or gestational carrier many women still worry about their pregnancy and the bond once their child is born. One way to manage the worry is by staying connected and informed. Having an open, respectful communication with your surrogate can give you a sense of peace and calm. Other ways to manage your stress include surrounding yourself with a support system such as a support group, or trusted friends who listen without judgment.
2. Feelings of Uncertainty
With a traditional pregnancy, parents are directly involved in carrying their child. Surrogacy and gestational carriers however carry with it a level of detachment. And that detachment can be emotionally challenging. You may feel helpless or disconnected from the experience. Trusting another person with such a large responsibility also brings feelings of vulnerability and a need for reassurance.
So what can you do? You can stay involved, connected and communicate often with your surrogate or gestational carrier. The more you feel part of the process, the better. Stay engaged with regular updates and establish honest lines of communication with all involved.
3. Breaking Down a Stigma
Despite the growing acceptance of surrogacy, some individuals still worry about societal or cultural judgments. Family, friends, or communities may not fully understand the process therefore leaving you feeling isolated or the need to justify your choices.
Remember, this is your unique journey. Break that stigma by feeling confident and secure in your choices. You’re never alone in the process, whether it be a therapist, partner or support group- someone will always be by your side. Instead of worrying about what others think or how they view your journey, you should celebrate your choices and honor the many paths to parenthood. After all, it’s not a cookie cutter approach anymore.
4. Financial and Legal Stress
Surrogacy and using a gestational carrier can be expensive and legally complicated. All the more reason to explore your options and educate yourself on the best choices and paths. You can do this with help from your doctor, fertility specialist or simply doing your own research. Don’t let that stress negatively affect your experience or relationship with your partner. Lean on each other, talk to one another, explore all your avenues and trust in your choice.
Coping Strategies for Mental Health During this Journey
1. Seeking Support
Therapy or counseling can be an invaluable tool for managing emotions throughout the surrogacy process. An expert in the fertility field or therapist, can help intended parents process their feelings and develop coping strategies- together. And that’s the most important part, together.
2. Being Open and Honest
Like previously mentioned, maintaining a strong relationship with the surrogate or gestational carrier and having open conversations about expectations, boundaries, and updates can ease feelings of detachment. Another important aspect of your journey is to open communication with those close to you. Share what you’re comfortable with, lean on those you love and move forward- one day, and one step at a time.
3. Self-Care in a Variety of Ways
Self-care is much more than finding some quiet “me” time or journaling. Self-care also means doing what makes you feel whole, accepted and appreciated or heard. Joining a support-group for instance is a fantastic way to take care of your mental health. And just like any experience, connecting with others that “get” what you’re going through, brings comfort and peace. Those connections make you feel more grounded and balanced.
Engaging in self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, journaling, or hobbies can also help manage stress. Taking time to relax and focus on personal well-being is crucial during the surrogacy process.
A Deeply Personal Journey
Reminding yourself of the reason behind your choices—the dream of having a child—can help put challenges into perspective. Keeping a positive outlook and focusing on the upcoming joy of parenthood can ease emotional struggles.
Surrogacy and using a gestational carrier are deeply personal and emotional journeys. They can impact mental health in numerous ways. From feelings of excitement, anxiety, and even grief your mind might constantly wrestle with the “what ifs” and “whens.” But again, above all remember those emotions are all normal parts of the process. By prioritizing emotional well-being, seeking support, and fostering a strong connection with the surrogate and carrier, you have the strength and ability to navigate the complexities each with greater resilience. Yes, the journey may be challenging, but the reward—a healthy and happy baby—is immeasurable.