Relationships. Relationships aren’t always easy and definitely have their ups and downs. But when you throw an obstacle like infertility in the mix, the strain and emotion that it puts on your relationship can be hard to handle. 

Arguments, stress, withdrawal. It’s these types of emotions that surface when you and your partner face challenges and realize things aren’t as easy as you’d hoped. But don’t forget, that’s life. Life sometimes deals cards you don’t really want. It’s just the way it goes. However, the way you handle the challenges, obstacles and strife are what will define you and help you move on.

Don’t get me wrong, some days it’ll seem like there’s nowhere to turn, or no one quite understands your struggle but I’m here to say, that’s not the case. There’s a way to take those cards and deal them back for a better hand. How? Seeking guidance and support . When you’re faced with decisions, questions and worry the best thing to do for yourself and your partner is reach out. Reach out for the kind of uplifting support that will lead you down a path towards healing and comfort. 

Until recently there has been a stigma towards infertility. 

Shame 

Self doubt

Secrecy

But why? Well the truth is there wasn’t much awareness of treatments, conditions or avenues to heal. But more recently couples are reaching out, finding support and learning how to move on, reclaiming feelings of hope and strength, and believing in their journey together.   

If you and your partner are facing struggles with fertility, no matter how big or small, first and foremost you need to know that you’re not alone. Make sure you repeat that outloud, you are not alone, and you aren’t to blame. There is no blame, or shame. Even though it may seem as if everyone you know is completely happy and not having the same troubles, chances are they may be in the same boat. Infertility affects 1 in 8 couples and has been increasing over the years. People are getting married later and conditions, once unknown, are being identified and treatments more available.  Another way to look at this statistic is that about 10- 15% of couples are infertile. Infertility is defined as not being able to conceive despite having frequent, unprotected sex for at least a year. Infertile maybe, but definitely not hopeless. There is a way for you and your partner to move forward on your fertility journey without the amount of stress, strain and anxiety you may be experiencing, and the answer is just a phone call away.

Couples Therapy- Learning to Cope with Your Emotions During Infertility

Without the right guidance and support, many have difficulties knowing how to cope with and express their emotions. This is true not only for relationships, but also in our day-to-day lives. How many times have you struggled to express your feelings, thoughts or emotions when it comes to your career, family or reaching your goals? Life is tough and the amount of pressure we put on ourselves just to achieve, tougher. 

Knowing how to cope and deal with emotions on a daily basis is essential for your mental well being. And it’s important to remember that not knowing how to deal with these emotions is no one’s fault. Being able to connect with and handle emotions is a learned skill, oftentimes overlooked. The word mindset comes to mind where emotions are considered.  When you work on your mental health and develop a positive mindset, in tandem, you also are developing the skills and strategies needed to overcome challenges and improve your overall outlook on life. This is a skill that takes time, energy and guidance. Acknowledging and accepting that you may need guidance is brave, admirable and strong. Don’t forget that, it’s something never to be ashamed of and it’s time you gave yourself, and your partner, the support to move on. 

Seeking couples therapy during a fertility struggle is a way to develop your mindset together. Feelings of little hope, and not being sure where to turn are normal during this experience and this is where therapy comes into play. During a therapy session, you enter a safe, non judgemental zone. Your thoughts, emotions, worries and anxieties are just that- yours. They are yours to share, grow with and learn how to handle. 

You may have the most supportive partner in the world, but handling emotions and worries, especially those that come with infertility can be challenging! Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Reach out to experts who have the tools to help you open up, feel safe and give you the opportunity to talk with your partner and get what you want and need out of your relationship. 

Couples Therapy- Understanding Your Journey

Even though it may feel like a strain on your relationship, infertility is just a stumbling block. It’s something that has gained understanding over the years and now with so many options, it’s something that can be overcome. But first, you must understand your journey with your partner, together as a whole. 

The fact is, you and your partner are in this together. It is not one person’s fault and no one is to blame. This journey is yours and first coming to the realization and understanding the basis behind it, is a step in the right direction. Couples therapy offers an opportunity to grow as a couple and stay strong together. It’s a chance for you and your partner to learn about your condition, and then develop a plan together, to move forward and continue on. Without the right guidance, the questions, concerns and worries spiral out of control. It’s time to gain control. 

The goal of counseling is to help you feel understood and supported. This journey is never something you have to take on yourself, stay strong as a couple and build a plan for your success. Mentally, physically and emotionally, therapy can guide you down a path towards healing and as a couple, towards strength. You deserve to feel supported and relieved, and couples therapy is a way to get you there. 

What is also important to keep in mind is that no two therapy sessions are alike. You and your partner are unique. You should be celebrating this and believing in your journey together.

Through tailored therapy sessions you and your partner will feel stronger, happier and more in tune with each other- leaving you relieved. It’s time to get “unstuck” from the argument loop or feeling of drifting apart. Bring yourselves back together and find calm and peace in the reason why you were together in the first place. All things can be improved or changed- no matter how small. 

Couples Therapy- Learning the Tools to Move Forward Together

Think of therapy as a cheat sheet. Yes, a cheat sheet. Therapy is a guide, providing you with tools and skills that you use both during and after your sessions. The skills and strategies you will pick up during your personalized session will help you continue to heal on a daily basis. It’s essentially a toolbox you can grab from no matter where you are, or what obstacle stands in your way. 

When you attend a couples therapy session, therapists like me, Tekla Barrett will teach you how to open up, acknowledge your struggles and then use personalized strategies to heal and find exactly what you need. You deserve love, understanding and to feel supported now and always. Couples therapy can and will give you just that. It’s a time to share, develop your confidence, and create steps towards your goals. 

Working with a therapist can help you understand that no, you aren’t failing, you are simply at a point where guidance and support can lift you up towards a different solution. Don’t let feelings of isolation, self doubt or failure stand in the way of your dreams or your relationship. Instead grow together and deepen your intimacy and connection allowing you and your partner to explore your options, one another and what it means to be together. 

Learn how to build each other up, gain an understanding of your journey and believe in the beauty that brought you together. There’s always a way.